By Lori EricksonWhen I reflect on the impact of prayer, I don't think of a church service, though I am found in one nearly every week. Instead, what comes to mind is a hospital room-specifically, the room where 20 years ago my son was clinging to life after contracting meningitis, and a friend of mine came for a brief visit one day. I remember her standing by my baby's bedside in silence, her eyes closed. After a minute, she looked at us and smiled, her face radiating peace. "I can sense that he's surrounded by love and prayers," she said. "He's going to be fine." Photo by: Simon Pemberton
At that point my faith could have gone one of two ways: Choose to believe, or not. You can probably guess which path I took. My own prayers that day had been inarticulate and desperate. But part of what made my friend's comment so powerful was her clarity, focus and sense of peace. I remember the deep, cleansing relief that washed over me at that moment, the sense that the worst was over and my baby would live. No physician could give me that assurance, but my friend somehow did, despite the fact that she had no medical knowledge and hadn't looked at any brain scans or test results. In my heart I felt that she was right, and that all those prayers really had made a difference. And maybe they had-my son made a full recovery.
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Despite the power of that moment, in the years since then I've had my share of struggles with prayer. Many times I've felt inadequate, making vows I haven't kept, or pledging to pray for loved ones and then promptly forgetting to do so. I've even tried to wheedle my way into divine favor, promising things I couldn't possibly deliver-and when my prayers went unanswered, it left me terribly disappointed.
Still, I find that the older I get, the more important prayer becomes to me. It gives me something to hold on to-a buoy in a sea of inevitable trials that come to all of us as we age. I would guess my experiences mirror those of many American women. In fact, as a group we tend to pray a lot: According to The Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, 66% of women do so at least once a day (just 49% of men do the same). The reasons for our prayers are as diverse as our individual circumstances. We pray when we're grateful, when we need a new job, when our kids won't stop fighting, when someone we love is hurting. For some of us it comes as easily as breathing; for others it's a struggle. The question is, does any of it really make a difference in the big scheme of things? In a word, yes.
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Count your prayer blessings
Though people have likely been praying since the days when we lived in caves, it's only relatively recently that scientists have tried to unravel the effect prayer has on our lives. One of the main benefits seems to be psychological. "The act of praying, whether done alone or with others, gives you a greater sense of control because when things are falling apart, it's something concrete you can do to ground yourself. And that makes it easier to let go of anxiety and cope with life's difficulties, as many studies have shown," explains Harold G. Koenig, MD, director of the Center for Spirituality, Theology and Health at Duke University and author of The Healing Power of Faith.
Sarah Eagle Heart, 34, of San Diego discovered this truth as a child. Her father abandoned the family when she was just six months old, and six and a half years later a car accident left her mother severely disabled. As she was shuttled back and forth between her grandmother, great-grandmother and other relatives, Sarah needed something to help her come to terms with the trauma in her life and regain a sense of normalcy.
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"My great grandmother was very devout, so I drew inspiration from that as a child and turned to prayer to get through the hard times," says Sarah. "Whenever I felt overwhelmed by everything that had happened to me, I'd be quiet and still. God comes in those quiet moments. Those were the times when I heard Him most clearly, giving me guidance and reassuring me. That helped me feel more at peace."
And Sarah continues to rely on prayer to this day. "As a member of the Oglala Sioux Tribe, I was taught that spirituality doesn't just occur in church on Sundays. It's all around us," she says. "For me, prayer is every second of every day. I believe that even seemingly ordinary things can be a form of prayer, like writing in my journal or the quiet I find while driving alone in my car."
Prayer also connects you to a community of friends who have similar beliefs, which increases the amount and quality of your support, adds Dr. Koenig-a fact supported by numerous studies, including 2010 research published in the journal American Sociological Review, which found that religious people are more satisfied with their lives because of the strong social networks formed among people of faith. It's little wonder, then, that people who follow a spiritual path report higher levels of happiness than those who don't.
But prayer isn't just beneficial to mind and soul. It does a body good, too. For many people, sitting in a quiet, meditative state-the very essence of prayer-causes blood pressure to decrease, stress hormone levels to fall, pulse rate to slow and immune systems to get a boost, according to numerous studies, including many conducted by Dr. Koenig as well as Herbert Benson, MD, at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School, author of The Relaxation Response. "The evidence of concrete health benefits is overwhelming," says Dr. Benson.
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Even better, these positive health effects can continue even after the prayer time is over. Research from the University of Wisconsin-Madison has found that being in a meditative state can produce lasting positive changes in how the brain and the immune system function. Just as physical exercise builds our muscles, spiritual practice seems to rewire our brains to make us more resilient in the face of both physical and mental difficulties.
"Spiritual practices, such as prayer or meditation, give you the ability to buffer stress, not just when you're doing it, but in the rest of your life as well," says Christina Puchalski, MD, professor of medicine at George Washington University School of Medicine and executive director of the George Washington Institute for Spirituality and Health.
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Is there anyone listening?
The truth is, many of us in the trenches of life, with ailing parents, overwhelming bills and stressed marriages, are much more concerned with getting our prayers answered. Here's something to think about: How you pray has nothing to do with it, but what you pray for just might.
Whether you're Christian, Jewish, Buddhist or any other religion, scientific research-not to mention the sages of many faiths-agree that certain types of prayers are better than others. Petitions that are narrowly focused on getting something specific (say, a promotion at work) can lead to a loss of faith when the prayer isn't answered. "Remember, prayer isn't a magical technique for getting what you want," says Dr. Koenig. "If the only reason you're praying is that you want something and you'll be upset if it doesn't happen… well, that's an unhealthy way to pray."
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That may well be true, but there's no denying that for many of us, "Help me!" is still the most frequent prayer on our lips. And such a plea can be helpful if it engages us in a partnership with God.
"The purpose of prayer, in many respects, is to have a conversation with God, one that gets you more in alignment with His view," says Dr. Koenig. "That, in turn, will change your own perspective." Simply put, if you turn to God more for guidance than a specific outcome, you'll likely find a way to answer your own prayers.
That's the lesson Kathy Hagood, 52, of Birmingham, Alabama, learned after putting on 40 pounds. As she struggled to lose the weight, trying many different diets, she finally decided to try prayer, asking God to help her understand what she was doing wrong. Praying didn't melt the weight away, but Kathy believes it gave her something much more powerful: the strength and willpower to make healthy lifestyle changes once and for all.
"Within the past year and a half I've taken off the pounds," she says. "I believe God guided me to the right weight-loss program, one that I was finally able to stick to after much trial and error. Without prayer, I know I would have wallowed in defeatism and missed opportunities for positive transformation, like being more patient with myself, less anxious about losing weight, and more resilient to setbacks."
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As Kathy discovered, prayer helps us find the better path in life by connecting to a higher power. "Yes, we may get physical or psychological healing in the process, which is quite wonderful," says Dr. Dossey. "But the main benefit is that connection with something greater than ourselves. That's what gives our lives more meaning and purpose. And once you have that, you have the means to successfully navigate whatever life has in store."
Lori Erickson is a freelance writer based in Iowa City, Iowa.
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
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